Whether you are in a fight with your parents, friends, or your partner and need to cool down there is no better medicine than laughing (and alcohol). Or maybe you aren’t in a fight and just are in a mood for a good laugh. Well you’ve come to the right place. Check out this article to see the top 20 funniest Amazon reviews! Some of the funniest things on the internet are sarcasm, and this article is full of sarcasm and wit.
Note: Some of these reviews might be vulgar and inappropriate, you have been warned!
Top 20 Funniest Amazon Reviews
Smart asses are hilarious, and Amazon has quite the repertoire of smart asses. Let’s check out the reviews:
1. Banana Slicer reviews
You can get this product from Amazon here for only $5.90.
A product this ridiculous deserves sarcastic reviews. This is a banana slicer, so if you are too lazy to pick up a knife or want more uniform slices, you can use this pointless device. For this banana slicer there are more than just funny reviews. This product features some of the funniest questions and answers that I have ever seen, as well as hilarious reviews. Let’s showcase some of the best ones (which can all be found here):
“I bought one of these and from the day I set it down in my kitchen, my bananas have stopped talking to me. What now?”- NY Guy (Amazon)
“Do you need a concealed slicer permit for carrying the unit in your car’s clove (sp) compartment, or in church?”- Halophila (Amazon)
“A friend used my H571 to slice a few bananas but accidentally sliced too many. Is there any reverse mode to unslice them? The manual is not helpful.”- R. Kupiec (Amazon)
“I can’t get this thing hooked up to my wifi network. Am I supposed to slice my bananas over an Ethernet cable? What is this, 2005?”- Hubert (Amazon)
“There is no way to tell if this is a standard or metric banana slicer. Additional markings on it would help greatly.”- Q-Tip (Amazon)
“Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using it- it works much better.”- Uncle Pookie (Amazon)
2. Steering Wheel Desk Reviews
You can check out this totally safe steering wheel desk on Amazon here for $24.00.
While this isn’t nearly as versatile and complex as the banana slicer above, this bad boy is definitely safe to use while driving… not. This product has just as many sarcastic and smart ass questions and reviews as the banana slicer does. Let’s check some of them out:
“Is this product appropriate for the blind braille readers?”- Amy Alex (Amazon)
“Does this product come with its own airbag?
If so, is there a way to turn off the airbag when my dog is driving?”- Dog Mama (Amazon)
“You wouldn’t believe how much more interesting my commute is now that I have something to do other than just stare out the window! I’m using it right now to post this review and I never”- Michael McCollough (Amazon)
“I am so glad this product has come along. Finally, I have a flat surface to use my Hutzler Banana Slicer while on the go.”- SW (Amazon)
3. Bic For Her Pen Reviews
You can check out Bic Cristal For Her Ball Pen on Amazon here.
So for whatever reason Bic decided they needed to create pens for only women, which definitely isn’t remotely sexist. Like at all. Check out some of these reviews (some might be slightly inappropriate. If you get easily offended you might want to skip this one):
“Well at last pens for us ladies to use… now all we need is “for her” paper and I can finally learn to write!”- PGC (Amazon)
“I’d really like to buy a pack of these pens; but I probably need my father’s or husband’s permission first. Like I do with all my financial decisions.”- Kelly A. Macpherson (Amazon)
“Woman hands need a lot of help with everything, so I was positively elated when these arrived via magic. Now, the doodles at my teatime luncheons are filled with so many more swirls then I ever thought possible. First, feminine doodles. Next – who knows? I might even gain the responsibility to sign a check!”- PlumpingDumpling (Amazon)
4. Testicle Self Exam Reviews
You can get this gem on Amazon (found here) for $152.42.
I’ll go ahead and say this is one of the inappropriate things on this list, so you can skip this one. This is a kit so you can learn, for educational purposes, what testicles feel like with cancer and lumps. This kit is primarily used by teachers and educators in the health profession. Given the nature of this kit you can imagine the maturity of everyone who sees this kit drops quite rapidly. Let’s go over some of the questions and reviews over this product:
“am i the only one who finds it hilarious that there is a “warning:choking hazard” label on this?- NYCstreetmedic (Amazon)
“Not only a wonderful teaching model, but while trying to find the tumors, I discovered, it acts as a makeshift stress ball! When I am in line at the grocery store I just whip out this handy little bugger and squeeze away….the line around me just dissapears…what an effective little doo dad!”- Wendy Sherer (Amazon)
“I’m a chick, but I purchased a pair of these for my next trip. When I refuse the cancer-causing body scanner I just know they’ll want to frisk me, so I figured I’d give them something extra to grab. Oh I can’t wait to see the look on the face of 67-IQ agent when she snatches onto to these babies!”- Tony (Amazon)
“I am an infamous 20th century German dictator responsible for some of the most egregious crimes in history. I also, like most normal men, have a single testicle. You can then imagine my amusement when, upon receiving this product, I noticed that it had a ridiculous TWO testicles! Really! This is most amusing, but hardly anatomically correct. I am sending this product back at the earliest opportunity.”- V. Zhirinovsky (Amazon)
5. Zombie Gnome Review
You can buy a zombie gnome on Amazon (found here) for $16.90.
As a huge zombie lover I actually want this little guy pretty bad and first saw it in a Skymall magazine years ago. It was way more than $20 in Skymall, so that could be why Skymall doesn’t exist anymore. While many of the other products had multiple funny reviews, this gnome has 1 great review. Check it out:
“I had it out in my yard less than two weeks when it bit and infected all my other gnomes. I had to go out in the middle of the night and shoot their heads off before they attacked the flamingos. The neighbors did not appreciate the gunfire and called the cops…now I have to move. Anyone want to buy a house in Gnome, Alaska?”- Billdo Gabends (Amazon)
6. Inflatable Beard Reviews
You can check out this inflatable beard on Amazon (found here).
You can get an inflatable beard if you either can’t grow your own beard, or if you need to go deep undercover and need a good disguise. Check out a couple of hilarious reviews:
“This is a sad excuse for a beard. You can’t shave it. It floats away when you go swimming. You can’t maniacally stroke it like an evil villain without it falling off. It fails at all the basics, so I ask, what does it do? Zero Stars!”- Dre (Amazon)
“I was deep undercover on a covert mission in Latbagwandona, disguised as an elementary school lunch lady, when my cover was blown and the feared Latbagwandona secret police, (who you can tell from the regular police by their cool sunglasses and shirt that says “Latbagwandona Secret Police” on it. I dashed out the door of PS 321 and fled down an alley, where I donned my Inflatable Beard, then watched as the Secret Police ran on past.”- Mac (Amazon)
7. Unicorn vs. Narwhal Review
You can check out the Unicorn vs Narwhal set on Amazon here.
This product is pretty much self explanatory, so let’s just check out the funniest review:
“I gave this item a one star for educational value, because in no way is there an actual debate as to who would win in a fight between a Narwhal and a Unicorn… Narwhal will always win.
Lets look at the facts.
-Male narwhals weigh up to 1,600 kilograms (3,500 lb). How much do you think a Unicorn weighs? Not that much.
-The Narwhal tusk is anywhere from 7-10 feet of pure pain. The unicorn looks to have about two feet of princess power.
-Unicorns don’t exist.”- I hate society (Amazon)
8. Cat Hair Crafting Reviews
You can get this book on Amazon for $10.44 (found here).
This book is literally about all the things you can do with cat hair… definitely useful and not even remotely disgusting. Let’s check out some of these reviews:
“With the help of tis book, my wife has made all of the Christmas gifts for our friends and family. She has made 4 pairs of socks, 2 scarves, 3 hats, a toaster cozy, slippers, a winter jacket and carpeted the family room. I highly recommend tis book to anyone who, like my wife, has 14 shedding cats in their house.”- Science Educator (Amazon)
“I purchased this book as I was tired of people sitting too near me on public transport.”- Rico (Amazon)
9. Horse Head Mask Reviews
You can get this mask on Amazon for $18.35 (found here).
I don’t know about y’all, but whenever I see a horse head mask I instantly crack up, so these reviews for this item are pretty hilarious. Let’s check them out:
“It is day 87 and the horses have accepted me as one of their own. I have grown to understand and respect their gentle ways. Now I question everything I thought I once knew and fear I am no longer capable of following through with my primary objective. I know that those who sent me will not relent. They will send others in my place… But we will be ready”- ByronicHero (Amazon)
“This mask imbues the wearer with super-human abilities. The power to make everyone around you feel akward and uncomfortable being first among them. After wearing the mask for several days my identity was consumed and replaced. There is only the horse now. Best purchase I ever made.”- review65163 (Amazon)
“The biggest question I get asked is, “Why do you have that?” I simply reply, “Why don’t you have one” and the gallop away and eat some grass.”- Ian (Amazon)
10. All My Friends Are Dead Review
You can get this book on Amazon for $8.65 (found here).
The book itself is pretty darn funny, and this review is pretty darn funny too. Check out this hilarious review:
“Everyone who comes to my apartment and reads this book dies laughing. Now all my friends are dead.”- KT (Amazon)
11. Casual Vacancy Hypocrite Review
You can get Casual Vacancy from Amazon for $21.00 (found here).
So this review has actually been deleted on Amazon, but yours truly has, of course, found it.
Check out this funny review of Casual Vacancy:
“Four stars. I haven’t read this book and nor do I plan to, but since so many people deem it appropriate to give negative reviews based on the price or the font and type set, I feel justified in giving a positive review based on my disdain their irrational method rating. In addition, I’m slightly thrilled that one or two people may take the time to comment on my hypocrisy.”- Pistachio Disguisey (Amazon Reviews).
12. Strawberry Slicer Review
You can get this on Amazon for $5.25 (found here).
Get this, this is a slicer… for strawberries!
Check out some of the hilarious reviews for this strawberry slicer:
“If only they could make a product like this to slice my loaves of bread! Not bananas though. I’ve been down that path and it’s dark…so dark…”- James Casagrand (Amazon).
“Forget it. My banana doesn’t even fit in this thing. What a total waste of time and money.”- FrannyG (Amazon)
13. Binder Reviews
You can get this for $3.99 on Amazon.
In the 2012 debate Mitt Romney referred to having “binders full of women”, so the internet took that and ran with it.
Check out some of these reviews:
“I was originally going to rate this only 1 star. You see, I’m a big girl and I can only squeeze about 53% of myself into this binder. But then I decided that I’m not going to worry about the other 47%.”- Amazon Customer (Amazon)
“I’m proud to say that I’m in this binder. I’ve spent 20 years working my way up from Walmart mom to soccer mom, and finally, I’ve hit the glass ceiling. I’m a binder mom! I highly recommend this binder I’m in, but be aware that if you purchase it, you must be flexible and let me put a ham in the oven by 5. Otherwise, my kids might resort to gun violence.”- “Maia Appleby (Amazon)
“For any of you who might be considering, like me, purchasing this binder based on the reviews, let me just point out one glaring omission: While this is a lovely, multi-purpose binder, IT DOES NOT COME WITH WOMEN. Presumably one is expected to find women on one’s own, or contact women’s groups who are supposedly eager to help stock your empty binder with women.”- PenName220 (Amazon)
14. How To Avoid Huge Ships Reviews
You can get this for $91.99 on Amazon.
So apparently coming across massive ships unprepared was such an issue a book had to be written about it.
Check out some of these funny reviews:
“Read this book before going on vacation and I couldn’t find my cruise liner in the port. Vacation ruined.”- Dan (Amazon)
“Given that there is a huge ship bearing down on me RIGHT NOW I am extremely disappointed that I cannot get inst”- Jim Henley (Amazon)
15. Luke Skywalker Jacket Reviews
Check this jacket out on Amazon.
This is a replica of the jacket Luke Skywalker wore when he got a medal. The reviews are pretty funny.
Check them out:
“I used to be an unemployed movie theater usher, but that all changed when I bought this jacket. Now I’m an unemployed movie theater usher with one of these jackets.”- G (Amazon)
“Whenever I display my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Wars to my friends, they respond with ‘Want a medal?’ Well you know what? Since I bought this item, I already have one. The Medal of Yavin. You can see it blowing in the wind as I throw on my jacket and drive away on my moped ‘Speeder Bike.'”- rcf1105 (Amazon)
16. UFO Detector Reviews
You can get this nifty detector for $87.66 on Amazon.
This is a product you need if you get abducted a lot and need to prepare for your next abduction.
Check out these awesome reviews:
“This little gizmo is a bargain at twice the price and much more accurate than the voices in my head.”- R.J. Reid (Amazon)
“I don’t know if this is a scam or if mine was broken, but it doesn’t work and I am still getting abducted by UFO’s on a regular basis.”- Cyphis (Amazon)
“We here. This thing not find us. It not work. We watch you from afar. You think, why we post on here? We post because we want become friend. We not like movie. We not want blow up congress. We not want steal water. We not want eat you. Most time not want put thing in butt. When human ready, we show you us. For now, we wait.”- Distraida (Amazon)
17. Mustache Set Reviews
You can get this for $4.49 on Amazon.
Even though these look more like birds than mustaches, these are definitely a necessity in any household.
Check out this hilarious review:
“Whether you’re underage trying to get into a bar, impersonating Freddy Mercury, or just taking a leisurely drive in your cargo van offering free candy, these moustaches are for you! I highly recommend the bulk 36 pack because you’ll never know when you’ll need one. I keep spare moustaches in my glovebox, wallet, girlfriend’s house, and my basement. Sometimes I just walk around my house wearing one so I can feel important.
The star ratings included in this review are extremely accurate, however I will say that the “educational” value is moreso derived from the fact that wearing a moustache automatically gives you the feeling of having “street smarts” regardless of your amount of “book smarts.” You just feel more edumacated wearing one.
Warning: Though very tempting, dogs don’t enjoy wearing them.”- Alex Arnett (Amazon).
18. Wolf Pee Reviews
You can get his for $34.95 on Amazon.
Sure, this might be great for hunting, but who could pass up cracking some jokes about wolf pee? Not these people:
“Deerbusters is 100% wolf urine. No chemicals. No additives. No cheap dog or hobo urine being passed off as the real thing.”- J.A. Konrath (Amazon)
“The palate has panache, with a firm, mineral acidity that cuts through a rather elegantly styled, poised meaty presence. As with most Chateau Deerbuster products, this has the signature leafy-fresh character, which softens into a slight rancid feel towards the end.”- Twal (Amazon)
19. Daddle Saddle Reviews
You can get this “daddle” for $46.18 on Amazon.
This is the dad saddle, so your kids can ride around on you and you can be somewhat comfortable. The reviews for this are almost as funny as the actual product:
“Please note that this Daddle is Western Style and will not be appropriate for those trained in the English Father Riding Method whereby one holds a rein in each hand and posts the trot. If you are looking forward to father jumping, father fox hunting, father polo or daddy dressage you will not be able to use this Daddle. Western Daddle riders hold the reins with one hand, and sit the trot. The pommel or horn on this Daddle is meant to hold a lariat which is useful when roping cattle or other competing or unruly fathers.”- Wandrwoman (Amazon)
“For years I have not known how to tame my unruly husband in summer months hanging out in the backyard. Drinking, cussing and rowdy untame behavior. Then I found daddle! Strapped that on his back and had the kids take turns riding him till he finally was broken! Thank you Daddle for taming what I thought couldn’t be tame.”- Jenn (Amazon)
20. Bigass Swiss Army Knife Reviews
You can check out this bigass Army Knife on Amazon here.
If you are in the market for a pocket knife that is so massive it cannot possibly fit in your pocket, then check this guy out. Check out some of the reviews on this”pocket” knife:
“I tried to file my nails, but in the process I accidentally fixed a small engine that was near by. Which was nice”- a fan (Amazon)
“I forgot the knife in the front pocket of my Swiss Army shorts and when my wife washed them it completely disassembled our washing machine.”- Owenlong (Amazon)
“…stuck into a stone while on vacation. I’m impressed with it, generally. Unfortunately, it turns out that removing it made me the new king of Switzerland, which is a lot of responsibility.”- MechYeti (Amazon)